Volatile Slut Shaming is a Fascist Regime Indicator
Anti-Whore Rhetoric and Tyranny
Slut shaming is SO back [derogatory]! And that is because everyone has become more conservative. Yes, even you. As the western world has shifted to the right, so has its citizens. There is a direct correlation between fascist regimes and the fallacy posed as over correction that is slut shaming. Most slut shamers may not agree that their opinions are harmful and may not even see their ideology as something to be categorized as slut shaming. Some may believe they are correcting “bad” behavior by voicing purity culture dog whistles. When we see un-married pregnant women on the internet there are loads of questions asking her where her ring is. There has been a resurgence of “clean girl” aesthetics which leans into anti-fatness, slut shaming, and anti-blackness. Because of the regime that we’re under, *lower case* united states of america controls popular culture and what we deem normal or acceptable. Propaganda is the united states’ biggest export so that specific culture makes waves throughout the globe, whether other places are under fascist regimes or not. There have been major conservative shifts worldwide. But do you know the silver lining to that? The resurgence of the underground. I will get into this a little more, but when there are tight constraints that squeeze the concept of liberation, autonomy, and freedom - the people that truly embody these themes concentrate elsewhere. Not to be glamorized, the underground has its pros and cons but nonetheless, it exists. Anywho, we will talk about that a little later, for now lets focus on how and why slut shaming is rearing its ugly, white supremacist head.
Mass conservatism
As I stated in the intro, the leadership in lowercase united states is very right wing politically, so everyone shifts along with it, even folks that do not live here. Because one of the biggest commodities that this country of colonizers produces is propaganda and “cool”, other folks around the globe look to the U.S. as a beacon of what is “in”. This is why we can see people in Nigeria saying trendy African American sayings or Koreans singing R&B. Now, those specific examples are of Black American cultural origin, but the same influence can also be said about leadership practices, laws, and social expectations. This is not to put ultimate blame on the U.S. for what other countries’ political climates are in. This is however me calling out a pattern that comes up throughout history of what is possible because the “leader of the free world” did it first. Adolf Hitler explained he thought out detailed ways of commiting genocide by the way American Chattel Slavery was developed and carried out. Some real life current examples of this is; reproductive rights roll backs, and blaming women for their poor healthcare like the many cases that have come up surrounding women being taken to court surrounding their reproductive health. It is very disgusting.
Stay at home wife advertisements
Next under the mass conservatism umbrella is stay at home wife propaganda. And it is specific to wifehood, where shaming single mothers is typically expressed in the same breath. The resurgence of stay at home foolishness started making a rise around the Nara Smith Tiktok explosion. Nara was often seen in this rustic styled kitchen making most of her intricate dishes from scratch. She made sure to dress the part to match the connotative idea of what a stay at home wife is. Though her fashion pieces are super expensive, they are what people can understand as conservative or “traditional”. A costume if you will. Now, this concept of tradition has been twisted, chopped, and screwed more than a swisha house record. When folks talk about traditional ways of life it is usually around a certain timeframe where the style of relationship expectations began to be propagandized and sold. When marriage went from being an exchange of goods and property (women included in the property list) into being together strictly for one thing; love. Typically imagined as a 1950’s uppercase American life. This hard course correction needed to happen after WWII was over and women were being forced out of the workforce, after initially being forced into the workforce to keep the country running while men were being drafted for the war. The lie that women could and should not work was unveiled during the war so there had to be another way to get women in relationships with men and out of the workforce en masse. Love and fragility was a heavy hitter for propaganda that depicted women in a status where they were damn near infantilized. Infantilized until home labor and child rearing came up. This moment is the golden era for people with conservative ideals no matter the age, gender, economic status, race, etc. When conservative folks explain how they think the world should function, the adjectives and characteristics mirror 1950’s American Dream(tm). So when we fast forward to 2026 and women are making sourdough bread from scratch for a family of 9, or milking cows at 4:30am so breakfast can be ready for a family of 7 by 7 that morning? They are attempting to reenact the eras where women were being infantilized and ultimately powerless outside of domestic labor. As I said before and will probably continue to emphasize, is the way lowercase united states exports propaganda like no other. So the force feeding of housewife propaganda is more insidious than the surface will ever show.
Government Assistance Fear Mongering
Continuing with mass conservatism, there is a false ideology that government benefits are being exploited by those that have sex; whether it is childcare needs, time off from work, food stamps, disease prevention, or disease support which also leads into ableism. All of these “benefits” should be free and attainable by all those that need it. But this is the land of the fleas and home of the depraved - so nothing is free. Everyday working class folks assume their tax dollars are being put into these “benefits” and ultimately believe they are being exploited by those that receive them. Thinking that people that are in need of support are lazy scammers that sit on their ass and live in a mansion paved in gold from tax dollars. Instead of blaming the institution, individuals are at fault; obsessed with “tax money supporting other people” when the tax money is funding a war. This is also a culture that lowercase america produces and generates, making sure the poor don’t have the class consciousness to wake up and fight. I am begging to open the schools (and invest into literacy)!
Conservatism Knows No Creed
The current administration has done something that I think will have lasting effects on the psyche that may not have been expected. And that is the ability to differentiate conservative ideals outside of race, gender, or political party. There are people being “exposed” for voting or supporting republican politicians that have surprised people. The way we used to “cut people off” or “cancel” them used to hold more weight a few years ago. There was a fear of going “the other way”. To be considered conservative no longer has a certain look or experience. There have been countless examples of people voting against their best interest, and even voting against their own race, gender, or sexuality. Now, the lines have blurred on what is and is not tasteful. There used to be a mass understanding of what it meant to be republican or “conservative” as someone who falls out of the box of the 1950’s American Dream(tm). To be conservative used to be frowned upon, especially within minority groups. We are seeing a shift in this expectation and there can be no assumption of someone’s politics simply based on their identity or life experiences. I think there is a silver lining to this, though. This phenomenon may awaken a class consciousness? Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but I believe there will eventually be a separation of ideals that are based outside of shared identity; creating a community of like minded thinkers whose goal is liberation for all. At least, I hope so.
Economy
With mass conservatism there will always be seismic shifts within the economy in a negative way. Similar to Reaganomics perpetuating the idea of a “trickle down” economy where the idea was if poor people spend enough money to make the rich richer, the rich will eventually give some of their wealth to those same poor people that made them rich in the first place. I have yet to see that happen. And charity does not count because those are tax write offs. Anywhore, because there is less disposable income (because people are poorer), sex workers are less attainable and have become a sign of luxury. Now, sex workers have always been a status symbol, depending on the kind of sex worker we’re talking about. But because sex workers as a whole have become less attainable, they are able to be objectified as another cool thing to have if you can afford it. However, on the flip side of that, there is the counter culture of people that discount the labor it takes to be a sex worker. When I say that I mean it can be easier to shame and diminish the fact that sex workers exist and deserve respect if you cannot afford the service a sex worker offers. Instead of it being a scenario where someone can afford or negotiate a service from a sex worker, they rather smite and emphasize the lack of worth they deserve due to not having access or proximity. Very much hateration in the dancery.
Social Mores
On top of not having access to luxurious things, people can barely afford their basic needs. People are scratching and surviving (Good Times) to make their ends meet all while still attempting to balance the human need to feel joy. Because there are human desires to feel sexy, wanted, loved, passioned, romanced, and connection, people are attempting to fill voids with what we have been socialized as a successful personal life. And one of the major ways to show how *great* of a life you have is through presenting an uppercase American family unit setup. The American family setup typically includes a cisgendered heterosexual man and woman that have the titles of husband and wife. They will have 2+ children and a home. Other details vary depending on geographic location, race, economic status. But the expectation is to be Christian, law abiding, and preferably patriotic. All of this is anti sex work. Because sex work is taboo there is no space in a setup like this... right? Wrong! Sex workers make appearances in this dynamic all the time, getting the brunt of any dismay their presence may cause whether they are “at fault” or not. People of all genders and sexual orientations will seek out sex workers if that is what they desire. In the same vein, already partnered people put sex workers at risk when they are entering into agreements with folks that may not be forthcoming with the truth. It also forces people that want to be sex workers into a more “respectable” job choice so not as to embarrass their partner. On the other hand, someone that frequently sought out sex workers would have to stop supporting the naked hustle because that would break the agreement of their romantic relationship. Either way, the concept of the house and picket fence as a marker of status has an effect on the sex worker industry simply because of respectability politics.
Slut Shaming As A Vehicle of Regime Control
A point that I believe drives the rusty nail in the termite ridden coffin is the fact that the empire is crumbling. When there are eras of “progress” there is backlash in the following years, a tightening of the rope if you will. Because the Barack Obama presidency is *seen* as a moment of progress there had to be immediate white centering, and not just based on race. Whiteness can be represented through all of the woes that colonialism brought over. Abrahamic religion, homophobia, people as capital, etc. It took some time to feel the effects of The White Wave in 2016 within lowercase united states. This is because there was a groundwork that had to be prepped before laying the bricks of total fascist control. Whew, is this an essay about slut shaming or is it about political analysis? They are all intertwined! Anywhore, because of the rope that is tightening around the neck of our sovereignty, there has been an uptick of people sharing how they are dealing with the fact that they are choking. This is where things get interesting though; because we are in the ultra digital age there are roses and thorns to that. Roses because folks are (or at least used to be) able to share information across the world in seconds so long as you have internet connection and a *smart* device. This can also be a thorn because the *smart* devices have become an extension of the human body and a vehicle of propaganda, but lets stick to the rose (toy?). Women have been sharing their experiences with romance and folks have been connecting the dots and realizing it is in fact a scheme that Todd set up to come to us with the bullshite! The birth rate is at an all time low and opting out of romantic relationships has become a strong talking point for non-men across generations. Single women are immediately put into the category of a whore since there isn’t a man claiming ownership. So now that there are higher percentages of single women, this threatens the curated system of patriarchy. Women that are not and cannot be claimed by men are the antithesis of the American Dream(tm). A result of all of this looks like more trad wife content, marriage propaganda, and bonafide slut shaming.
Sex Work Gained Visibility & Lost Accessibility
When OnlyFans exploded with popularity we were dealing with a global pandemic; allowing folks the ability to make money through sex work and sex work adjacent labor. This wave of commonplace sex work shined a light on what used to be a shadowy topic. It became casual to know at least one person in your personal or social media life that was a creator on OnlyFans, making sex work a more casual concept to reckon with. Other websites offered a platform for digital sex workers like Patreon, CamSoda, and MyFreeCams, where creators could establish an audience and sell media all without the danger that could come from in person sex work environments. Though created in 2016 London, the year of 2020 brought Onlyfans its golden era where there were over 1 million creators and over 2 billion dollars in sales. The latter part of my previous sentence tells me two things. First, sex sells and sells well. Secondly, people would choose to engage in sex work as long as it is safe and accessible. But therein lies the issue; accessibility. I will focus on OnlyFans as it is the most popular sex work platform but Patreon will get some lashings as well. Essentially, the platform went through a large sweep of anti-Black policies, making the creator experience insufferable or downright impossible. Things like confirming identity by requesting Facebook or Twitter profiles, striking accounts when AAVE was used in posts under the guise of safety, or partnering with Instagram to shadowban certain demographics from promoting their content.
Punishment Through Policy
Something similar happened to me through the Patreon platform where I was creating adult rated music videos for almost two years. I made the mistake of joining a sex work content creator group that was promoted as something that would allow us to advocate for policy changes, encourage/support each other, and possible collaborations. I met a lot of cool people in the group, a majority were cartoonists, illustrators, smut writers, poets, animators. I was the only person that was using my body as the product, and I was the highest paid as well. This is just a gut feeling (on top of understanding historical patterns regarding race, gender, sexuality) of knowing that the white man facilitator or white group participant(s) reported my account and essentially got my Patreon page banned for a very long time. Patreon allowed for 18+ content to exist on their platform however they did not want the content to be considered sex work. I had to censor language, use a lot of suggestive emojis, crop videos, blur photos, create external links to the real content, negotiate with administration (that got to see my shit for free), fight to withdraw my money - All for my account to get banned anyway. It stung and frustrated me, this was a bulk of my income. Initially a fountain of abundance, the closer we got to the end of Bidens’ term, the more conservative cultural rhetoric was becoming. This is not to say that the president of lowercase united states has direct control over media and sex work; this is to say that when future presidential candidates are gearing up for their campaign run, their influence can be reflected in cultural norms and mores. As we got closer to the 2024 election year, conservative shifts could be seen on micro levels. Things like posting on your feed was considered cringe, and sex work was starting to go back in the shadowy corner that she familiarly resided in. This is an example of community isolation on a digital landscape. We are being encouraged to stay to ourselves and show up when we have highlights in our lives. When OnlyFans was at it’s height there became a network of support for sex workers and sex work adjacent people. Close to an underground economy, digital sex work was akin to gig work - where 1-2 subscriptions could get someome out of a sticky situation. Folks were allowed to determine their schedule, their salary, and their safety. So once the sex work platforms began to sweep through with conservative policies, there was a large exodus of digital sex work; resulting in an entire industry that is typically anti-establishment into something that is anti-people and essentially invisible.
The wave of weight loss propaganda
Invisibility means the quality or state of being invisible. Not to be witnessed; ceasing to exist. Even if you lived under a rock there would be weightloss ads down there. The inescapable promotion of anti- fatness has taken over our digital landscape causing folks to over analyze their bodies in ways that can be harmful. Heroin chic fashion trends, celebrity sponsored glucagon-like peptide-1, and the HEAVY push of gym culture are just a few popular ways we are being fed a large serving of skinny minnie propaganda. Consensual sex requires exposure, whether through some form of nudity or simply by being vulnerable enough to be turned on in front of someone; to be involved in enjoyable sex is to be seen; to be seen is to exist, and you cannot truly exist while making your body disappear through smallness and anti-fat tactics. Aside from harmful eating trends that can result in addictive habits, we are questioning whether our bodies are satisfactory enough. Things that used to seem like white people problems have slowly whisked its way through communities of diverse racial makeups. Body dysmorphia, deadly eating habits, and weight loss intended prescribed medicine has become accessible to the everyday bloke while healthy food is becoming harder and harder to identify. The relationship we have with our food starts in the mind where we can look at something and be confused by whether it is real or made in an evil villain’s laboratory. With recalls scaring the masses and bioengineered foods confusing the rest, we are barely trusting what we eat. This has to have an effect on the way our digestive system operates, which affects our overall gut health; the centrality of vitality. Not to be too doomsday prepper, but I do think about what it means when a large mass of poorly nutritioned people are thin/small/frail. Are they capable of fighting? Maybe they’re not thin or frail but still poorly nutritioned and simply weak? That is a recipe for submission in an already plantation-y setup. This section has taken a beautiful turn, but let me wrap this point up in a really fat bow. Anti-fatness wants bodies to disappear and barely be seen. Women are especially convinced that it is better to be small and physically child-like as to “not look your age”. Body parts are seen as “dirty” and should not be visible under the guise of modesty or purity. There was a very popular rodeo that happened in Texas where there was mass outcry against people wearing daisy-duke shorts. A lot of folks that were interviewed for the news or talking about it on social media described their disdain being rooted in wanting to make sure present children were not being exposed to a blasphemous experience down to the family rodeo. If there were people walking around in see-through clothing or assless chaps with nothing under-neath them then yes, that is inappropriate for a daytime family event. However! If there were folks walking around with modern interpretations of cowboy getups then I do not understand the hateration and holleration. Thighs exist, butts exist. Most of us have thighs and butts, and shoutout to the disabled that don’t. Short shorts on a rail thin white woman would not disturb the peace at a rodeo, so the same should be for fat Black people. To have an innate idea that a fat Black body should not be seen in a desirable way and covered up as much as possible is to cloak; to cloak is to hide; to disappear; make small, and stop from existing.
Red Pill Shite
Right next to weightloss propaganda under the rock would be redpill concepts and talking points. Initially drawn from the 1999 movie The Matrix, metaphorical life altering decisions were represented by two pills, one red and the other blue. The blue pill characterized comfortable ignorance while the red pill offered uncomfortable truths. The transformation of this science fiction action thriller living on with incel connotation certainly was not the expectation when written and directed nearly 30 years ago. In the modern context, the red pill in particular has taken on various philosophical and social meanings, especially in alt-right circles and the so-called “manosphere” of anti-feminist online communities (Britannica). This social group is not limited to race, economic status, education level, or age; it is simply an extension of a patriarchal system that can be compared to the logic that ushered in colonial proliferation. Basic examples of red pill rhetoric include hateful and violent talking points directed at women and girls. There is a conspiracy theory surrounding involuntary celibate culture that has spread far wider than just those men that cannot have sex with who they want to have sex with. The “manosphere” includes more than incels, where there are philosophical narratives rooted in misogyny that suggest feminism has tricked men and social institutions into submission, forcing men to lose power. The manosphere can range in sub-culture but they all share a red pill ideology that believes feminism advertises a false oppression of women and only functions to take power and success from men.
Misogyny coupled with purity culture creates a fear that is fully beneficial to a man, especially if he is poor. The title of wife is literally a job description that comes with expectations and a role. If you were to ask a child what a wife does they would be able to name off a few laborious tasks that have been peddled as duties assigned to the job description of a wife. Things like cooking, cleaning, child rearing are a few examples. But let us itemize that list, shall we? In the year of 2026 the national average of a personal chef would be $7,532.00/month, $2,900/month for a babysitter, and $500 for biweekly house cleaning services. This does not include the cost of a sex worker that could range up to hundreds of thousands of dollars depending on the desire and frequency. MMM, sticker shock. But why pay for all of these services a la carte when you can get an all inclusive appliance? Whoops, I meant wife! If the wife is expected to do these exceptional life things there is no need to outsource labor that is really expensive and requires skills. Whether someone is well off or not barely matters when domestic labor is concerned. Men across financial tiers would rather their wife fall into gender norms and complete the tasks that are assigned to the wife job description. It saves a tremendous amount of money, yes. But most importantly it solidifies the hierarchy that needs women to be tired, busy, and without free time to be well. Every man is supposed to feel like a mini king in his house (castle) while the women and children are his loyal servants and workers. This is where gender consciousness is essential. All men cannot relate to being rich, but they can all relate to being a man that can wield power over non-men without consequences, re: patriarchy.
Misogyny and sexism are a tale as old as time; re: Abrahamic religion. However! Because of shifts happening culturally and legally for the last 6 - 8 decades, women have been granted basic human rights that allow them to show up differently in the “western world”. Women are able to open bank accounts without a man having to sign for her. Let me add in a law that was *recently* turned over: Wife beating was considered a crime, under the “rule of thumb” law that condoned a man could legally physically abuse his wife with a “rod not thicker than his thumb.” (Domesticviolence.org) Stats: As of July 5, 1993, marital rape is considered a crime in all fifty states. Yet, there are still loopholes or exemptions in states when rape happens. Even today, some states still exempt spousal rape from criminal prosecution, making it a lesser crime than non-spousal rape. More stats: Among Black students in higher education, women are more likely than men to earn degrees: Black women get 64.1% of bachelor’s degrees, 71.5% of master’s degrees and 65.9%of doctoral, medical, and dental degrees. (https://www.aauw.org). These are only a few examples of advancement that women have been able to make because of their ability to choose their area of work, get higher education, and legally own property. These accomplishments are still disproportionately reflected in lighter skinned women, and/or women that already come from a financially luxe family line. Still, there have been quantifiable changes in the way women’s lives have shifted upwardly because they are no longer solely dependent on the men in their proximity. As I stated earlier, when there is major progress the backlash is just as sizable. And now we return to red pill rhetoric. In order for there to be a patriarchal “correction” to the way the #world is supposed to work there needs to be persistent violence. The worst part about this is the fact that anti-woman hate isn’t so cut and dry. Other women believe and spew similar talking points, usually under the guise of purity. Pink pill shite will follow this point, but for now I will focus on the red. When men are reiterating red pill talking points the ultimate goal is to turn back the hands of time where women had limited options and resources. When the expectation was for women to get married and have at least 5 children, and have non stop labor requirements. To have sex on demand and not cry when slapped across the face. The word “submission” has been on the forked tongues of misogynists worldwide, making it clear exactly how they want women to exist. Sub;under. And because submission is no longer the only option for women by the masses, there is brutal backlash.
Epidemic of Gendered Violence
Femicide has been skyrocketing while men remain silent. Outcry for women has been by women, where we understand that a community without each other is deadly. Black women have been at the brunt of femicide, reaching epidemic levels. In April 2026 alone there were 4 women that were murdered by their romantic partners. On April 1 in Coral Springs, FL Vice Mayor Nancy Metayer Bowen was found dead, murdered by her husband who slept in the house while she rotted. A few days later in Virginia, Cerina Fairfax was shot and killed by her husband who was a government official too cowardly to face any consequences and turned the gun on himself. In the same week Tammy McCollum in North Carolina had the same unfortunate fate. Shot by her husband after an argument. Just days after that in Texas, a missing Ashanti Allen was found dead near a bayou after sending a troubling message. Ashanti was 8 months pregnant; the father of her unborn child was arrested and charged with the murder. Murder cannot be sanitized and watered down. 4 Black women killed by their romantic partners in a matter of 3 weeks should be alarming as fuck. If given the resources I could prove the direct correlation of deadly romantic relationships and slut shaming. There is dehumanization that happens in between through red pill philosophy as well as sexist justification through Abrahamic religion. A reminder that the “small” things like cat calling or “locker room talk” are not innocent. They conjure a culture that normalizes 4 women getting murdered in a barely 3 week span. Slut shaming and victim blaming is more insidious than hurting feelings. These tactics are the groundwork for a society that would prefer their women dead rather than sovereign.
Pink Pill Shite
I believe it is most appropriate to close out with a faux antidote that deserves course correction. By the title of this section there is no secret and the cat has been let out of the bag. The idea of combatting violent patriarchal standards by leaning harder into it is a red herring; shooting oneself in the foot; absolutely fugazy. “For the master’s tool will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master’s house as their only source of support.” Brilliant author, civil rights activist, queer feminist scholar, Audre Lorde. I lean on those words to springboard off of the point that playing into the job description of “woman”, “wife”, “girlfriend”, “fiance’” are all inherently harmful. Dressing in a 3 piece suit during Jim Crow in lowercase united states did not prevent Black folks from being beat, arrested, or lynched. Similarly, speaking in a high pitched voice while having a small waist and long hair will not prevent a man from taking a woman’s life. That’s simply not how institutional positions of power work, but based on some femininity coaches you’d think otherwise.
There have always been advice columns and dating tips directed toward women to guarantee them a fair chance in the dating world, so for us to get to this modern era of pink pill-isms is not a surprise. I still think it is necessary to point out the harmful ways these talking points can be for naive or desperate women and girls unironically looking toward men as a protector and provider while simultaneously othering themselves from other women, also known as being a “pick me”. This topic is slippery because the actual solution to absolutely respecting oneself and guaranteeing safety from romantic domestic violence from a man is to stop dating men. But I will not test my luck in this already intense essay, so maybe another day? Anywhore; there has been an entire landscape dedicated to teaching women how to be feminine enough to garner respect from men. Respect can be reflected as something as fleeting as money, or something as serious as legally binding yourself to another through marriage. The people that offer this advice range in age, race, socioeconomic status, and education level; making that aspect similar to the red pillers. They also similarly share tactics of manipulation to get a desired outcome. (Sounds like magic, [IDigress!])
Femininity pushers share similar ideals surrounding what it means to look feminine, sound feminine, and present in a way that is ultra femme. None of these attributes are inherently harmful, self expression is supposed to be freeing. However, forced expression rooted in coercion is exhausting, deadly, and simply unsustainable. A blatant example of this is the boom of plastic surgery that became accessible over the past decade, specifically the Brazilian Butt Lift. When bbl’s hit the market folks were adding them into their carts like they were Publix bogo’s! I am happy for my girls that are able to have access to gender affirming care, allowing them to feel more comfortable in their bodies and show up fully in their everyday lives. The spike in the specific butt/hip/waist altering surgery was similar to a fad where folks signed up for the elective surgery because of the popularity surrounding it and the feminizing attributes it promised. Super tiny waists and large hips are expected of feminine people, and especially of women. Depending on certain cultures big butts are frowned upon, but for the most part the round hips small waist combo usually makes men turn their heads and salivate; or at least double tap on social media. Because social conditioning through mores and cultural norms teaches us what is beautiful vs what’s ugly, we collectively understand how to initially get a man’s attention as a woman. Pure vanity. Femininity coaches encourage women to wear their hair a certain way, avoid language that would expose having an education, blinking a certain amount of times, pretending to be incapable of basic things like opening a water bottle, waking up earlier than #him to do your makeup and appear perfect 24/7. It is pathetic and a sure fire way to long term illness. There seems to be a request of robotic doll-likeness that women are being asked for and instead of femininity being used as a tool of rage, disobedience, and rejection, we are seeing a growing number of people pushing toward white ideals of “woman”. All races can play into white supremacist concepts, so the ones surrounding gender is no exception. By the uppercase American Dream(tm) standard, a woman is in distress without a man. She is small and fragile, incapable of doing hard things like taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. A woman is in need of constant protection by a man from women. Oops! I meant women need protection from children. Uh oh, wrong again. OH wait, I know! A woman needs protection by a man from...... other men. That’s right! Women are meant to be a built in appliance for all those around her. She is responsible but also a nag. Resourceful while also a ball and chain. A necessity that is a plague. Herein lies the problem. Where we revisit the point that leaning deeply into gender characteristics will never work because institutional power only goes in one direction. Yes, there is nuance that falls into gender norms that make a difference on a micro level. Presenting oneself in a certain way can garner attention and may even get you a few dates/gifts/commitment. However! The only thing that can guarantee honesty, fidelity, respect when dating a man is yourself and trusting your gut. Men have proven over centuries that they will take a mile when you give an inch. If Beyonce’ Gizelle Knowles can be tried by Sean Carter, what the fuck more do you need as a wake up call? This is not to say that there should be a glass half empty approach when dating men. This is to say that institutions support men when in a patriarchy. Wearing lipstick is not going to make a police officer arrest your partner on domestic violence charges. Dressing modestly will not make the dean at your university uncover a rapist football player’s offenses. Speaking in a high pitched soft tone will not prevent your husband from cheating. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
I almost did not want to call the femininity coaches pink pill because their “advice” is almost a response to the hatred women face from misogyny and sexism. They reiterate that broke boys don’t deserve pussy, not to have sex on the first interaction, and to go for guys that have a certain hygiene level. These are actually decent basic levels of advice that would work for all genders, so no harm there. But their purity rhetoric is harmful and simply dangerous. You cannot trick your way into a healthy relationship. Humans are multi-layered and adaptable, making front facing shallow tactics pointless when compared to centuries of abuse and power. They also lean heavily into puritanical beliefs that uplift virginity (exclusive to women), certain looks and presentation as worthy, self sacrificing is praiseworthy (life as capital), to be child-like physically as well as mentally, invisibility through silence/fear (lack mindset), and of course, slut shaming. All of these things are rooted in white supremacist ideals and Abrahamic religion. Luckily the spread of information via social media has acutely turned the tide and allowed a more spherical view to dating and relationships as a whole. Our elders and peers are sharing their stories about their dating experiences and dots are being connected. The connected dots make the problem of a violent patriarchy too blaring to ignore; requiring a choice to be made. Either change the system at hand or double down and lean in further. Because change is scary and requires faith (nature not religion), it may seem easier to choose the latter, hence the circle back to extreme slut shaming. From disgusting memes depicting celebrity women getting a train ran on them, to alarming femicide rates - We are seeing the results of a society that not only hates women, but punishes them for existing. The proof is in the pudding. Cake has been baked. Signed, sealed, delivered.